Simple Gibberish

Ever After (Happily Sold Seperatly)

2012-01-05T01:40:00.000-07:00

I cannot wait to get my wings
Because maybe, just maybe
I will finally be able to fly
Fly away, and (almost) never look back

Part of me wants to just quit everything
and run away and hide
Hide away with a perfect man
Who has offered me a chance to get away

But it's not all that realistic
Things would fall to shambles
With me gone
Gone more than a few hours

I just want a happily ever after
Not this current moment
But eventually.
I think I can wait for him

But for now, I will paint on my wings
Turn my face to the sky
And just hope that someone is listening
And will save me,
From me.

Porcelain

2012-01-05T01:03:00.002-07:00

"You thought by now you'd have it all figured out
You can't erase the way it pulls when the seasons change
It hurts sometimes to find where you begin
But you are Perfect Porcelain

The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me
It's alright if you don't know what you need
I'm right here when
You need someone to see
It's not 'speak or forever hold your peace'
It's alright to take time and find where you've been
You are Perfect Porcelain

When you heart releases
You won't fall to peices
You'll let those old diseases lie
And your heart releases
You won't fall to pieces
And your breath comes crashing in
Like Perfect Porcelain"

This is my current favourite song off of the newest Mariana's Trench CD, "Ever After*"
It speaks to my heart and soul. And I hope it speaks to others.

<3

2011-11-16T19:50:00.000-07:00

"Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her"

I won't lie,

I miss her.

But, right now

I'm me

That's it, that's all.

I'm who I want to be

No wild expectations

No judging.

No drama.

And right now? That's exactly what I need.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, myself and I

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"

-untitled-

2011-10-05T12:45:00.000-06:00

You say you know me,

But you don't.

You say you'll "own" me,

But you won't.

These lives we lead are nothing but a sham of shambles.

We say we know our selves, that we know each other.

Tell me, when did the world turn to lies?

Better yet, tell me, when did it start feeling good to lie.

Was it the day that the realization that one could make anyone believe anything? Or was it the day one realizes they could, and would lose it all, if they told the complete and whole truth?

Think.

Breathe.

Let it all go.

Then move on.

Nobody knows (me) anymore.

And maybe I like it that way...

Who

2011-05-23T11:10:00.000-06:00

I'm broken and changed,

Never whole, but made new.

It's a new kind of feeling.

How do I ever tell you, "I'm scared"?

I've been turned upside down.

Left.

Right.

Told I am wrong,

And not me.

But then who is?

In this crazy life we lead
I've grown up
Moved out
And carried on
Just to keep

Calm

Who I was

Is never coming back.

Just as

Tomorrow will be different

So will I.

So I ask then

Who, is... me?

Just... Breathe.

2011-01-28T00:49:00.000-07:00

I need to learn to breathe,

Instead of just freak out

Maybe take some time to dream

Things can get crazy,

Then again, so can life.

I need to learn to take

The good with the bad.

Maybe if I slow down,

Maybe if I don't do a million things

Maybe, just maybe

Life might make sense.

But that's not me.

Never has, and maybe never will.

Life has to be busy,

Just to function.

I think I might take some time

Maybe to to breathe

And work through life.

One.

Breath.

At.

Time.

Tonight, tonight.

2010-06-14T15:48:00.003-06:00

Take a deep breath
Take a step back
There's only so much a person can take

I might snap tonight
Just up and leave
Try and stop me.
(Nothing can stop this)

I'm a force to be reckoned with
I'm the wind unleashed
I'm stronger than you think
(Nothing can stop me)

Step back,
Let me breathe.
And I swear,
Everything will be okay.

It's my life
And I'm gonna live it
It's all I can do
(You will never stop me)

Tonight, I swear that I mean every word...

Dear Me;

2010-05-31T03:58:00.001-06:00

Dear past me;

You've made so many choices.

Good and bad.

You've hurt, and been hurt.

Healed, and been healed.

You screwed up.

Big time.

And you fought to make it right.

Thank you for trying

And never giving up.

I love you.

Dear present me;

You worry so much.

About everything.

About nothing.

Breathe.

You can do it.

Just believe.

Please?

I love you.

Dear future me;

I guess you never gave up.

You stayed strong.

And did what you must.

I hope that life is as you planned.

That you are happy.

Be happy.

For us.

I love you

Candy Hearts Don't Bleed

2010-05-31T01:00:00.000-06:00

Pink candy hearts,

Packed in a box.

Only one purpose;

Fake " i luv u"'s.

Eaten with joy,

And eaten with despair

Well will people realize

Candy hearts don't bleed.

Innuendos

2010-05-02T04:11:00.000-06:00

This song really entertains me with all the various names for everything. It's fantastical.

Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet
Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker
Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I Brazilian wax poetic so pothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten
Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle
Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I Brazilian wax poetic so pothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto

Blood Bonds

2010-05-01T21:20:00.000-06:00

Too hurt to understand.
Too angry to care.
Too disappointed to try.

I thought that blood, was supposed to be thicker than water. But in our case, I guess not. Your coldness to me has turned the water to ice, and chilled me to the bone.

I always thought that the love of a family was unconditional. You have proven me wrong. So many of you. Between using me for money, ignoring me- your own flesh and blood, trying to kill me, believing rumours, and so, so much more. It hurts. And I give up. I can't force you to love me, or even like me. So I guess asking for respect is a little too much.

To my father; This is the first time in my life that I have been hurt by you, and mad at you. You have let me down so much this time. I don't don't know how to process this. You got my hopes up, that I would see you, TALK to you after all this time. But no, I doubt that will happen. So very much. Anyone can be a father, but it takes a lot to be a dad.

To the rest of my blood bonds that have let me down;

I will always love you, for my love of my family is unconditional. But, I don't have to like you. And I really, really don't like you.

Past is past.

2010-04-21T01:52:00.001-06:00

[This place is a hole

But I don't wanna go

I wish we could stay here

Forever alone

This time that we waste

But I still love your taste]

I like waking up next to you.

You turn your head
And smile at me.

Then kiss my nose

And whisper,
"Hey"

[Sometimes I wish you would leave me

"I'm not sick of you yet"

Is that as good as it gets?

I'll just hide it

Its so easy to come back [to] you]

I think of our time spent together

Just us.

And I can't help but think

That this has to be

[I stayed for a while

And waited for words

Seen, but not heard

And struggled to try

My tongues turnin' black

But I'll take you back

Your still the best

More or less]

I know that you think of

Me.

You've told me so.

You're kisses are

More than lust.

Just admit you like me.

[And it hurts me to say

That it hurts me to stay

And it might be all right

If you go

It hurts me to say that

I want you stay

But it might be alright

If you go]

Past is past

And I can only hope

For a future.

So please

Trust in me.

I think I am finally over

~~YOU~~

Star Gazing

2010-04-14T23:22:00.000-06:00

(v.1)

Did you make a wish upon a star
Is that why you are who you are
Did you play make believe with those you always know
Grab my hand darling, its time to go

(v.2)
Take a look to the sky, tell me what do you see
Another constellation, or is it you and me?
The time flies by, like another shooting star
Oh, so close, yet so far

(chorus)
Just look up to the cloudy night
And wish for the stars to come out
Holding hands, and making plans,
It's a perfect night for gazing at the stars
Lets make it last for as long as we can

(v.3)
A jet plane zooms across the sky
We laugh to ourselves, about aliens going by
You grab my hand, and off we run to take a ride
It's not so bad, being alone and by your side

(chorus)
Just look up to the cloudy night
And wish for the stars to come out
Holding hands, and making plans,
It's a perfect night for gazing at the stars
Lets make it last for as long as we can

(bridge)
The stars are so pretty tonight
And I must confess, I cannot tell a lie
Gazing into your eyes is like gazing at the stars
There's nowhere I'd rather be, than right where you are

(chorus)
Just look up to the cloudy night
And wish for the stars to come out
Holding hands, and making plans,
It's a perfect night for gazing at the stars
Lets make it last for as long as we can

It's funny, how you're in my head.

2010-04-13T22:55:00.002-06:00

It's 3 am, and

I'm still writing your song,

I got the music written

but the words are all wrong

4 am now, and

It seems like all my hope has disappeared.

Why is it, that I feel

So alive when you are here

5 am and I should be asleep, but

All that I have is

Nothing I want to keep.

You're asleep

While I'm wracking my brain,

Trying to figure out

The perfect thing to say.

6 am, and the night is long gone,

The world is awakening, and

I'm still writing your song.

Everything seemed okay,

But that one little line,

I've revised it,

Over a million times

8 am, I tumbled in my dreams

Trying to keep my sanity clean.

My inner writer keeps in check,

All of the things I've left.

It's a quarter past 9, and

My brain has fluttered

In and out of rest.

I dream of you, because if I didn't

I'd be miserable, at best.

I've come to think,

That a life without you,

Isn't a life at all.

Winter Just Wasn't My Season

2010-04-12T23:24:00.001-06:00

Take a deep breathe,
Let's count to ten
Let's make sure this is over,
Before it even begins

Do you remember the night
The night you told me everything
Your soul was bared,
And mine, guarded.

I wanted you to know
Everything there was to know
But, I knew that you would run away.
And, you did.

Remember the days, that we talked
Talked about nothing and everything
And now,
Now I am nothing but a hinderence
On your so called life.

Breathe,
Everyone tells me
But they don't understand.
And I don't think they ever will.

-untitled-

2009-08-04T01:23:00.002-06:00

(v.1)
It's 3 am and I've woken up alone again
I wonder where you went this time
Is it another lonely walk
Or is it a moonlight rendezvous with your other love
I guess I will never know

(v.2)
you tell me you love me
But I can see it in your eyes
The longing for another long gone
When will you tell me the truth
And let the lies sleep where they always fall
'Cause

(chorus)
Your words they stab me like a million knives
I love you and good night,
Were they all just another lie?
I trusted you, you drifted away
We knew this was coming
But why did you have to leave so soon...

(v.3)
Another night has come and gone by
And my bed still awaits your return
My heart grips my guitar, such a sad melody being played
I wish I could remove this haunting song and your memory from my mind
Only because

(chorus)
Your words they stab me like a million knives
I love you and good night,
Were they all just another lie?
I trusted you, you drifted away
We knew this was coming
But why did you have to leave so soon...

(bridge?)
You lifted my heart, you lifted my soul
Now why wont your memory leave me alone
All the lies and the times that we tried
Were never enough
Now please just go....

(chorus)
Your words they stab me like a million knives
I love you and good night,
Were they all just another lie?
I trusted you, you drifted away
We knew this was coming
But why did you have to leave so soon.......

2008-06-22T01:08:00.002-06:00

She doesn't understand me.

Can't seem to grasp my life,

And what I've been through.

I envy your sheltered little life.

I never lied to her.

Sometimes I didn't tell her things,

Because I was afraid of being shunned.

Oh the things I wished to tell you.

The things I've done.

Things that have happened to me.

They scared me.

I didn't think you could take it.

I want to understand her.

How she can blame me,

Like it's so one sided.

You always hurt me so.

I don't want to lose her.

She seems so willing to go.

What can I do?

You make me feel like the villain.

When would she realize that her friend was lost and scared.

That she needed her?

She probably wouldn't.

I'm so lost and far gone.

I'm stuck in my past.

She's stuck on my mistakes.

I try to make it up to her.

You keep turning away.

When will you realize?

2008-05-18T20:41:00.004-06:00

Pick your poison

It's all the same

An addiction is an addiction

They are all the same

A smoke to calm the nerves

A shot to numb the pain

A hit to mask reality

A drink to hide the shame

Sweets to make you feel safe

Sweat because your ashamed

Energy to feel alive

Vomit to look the same

A pill to hide away

A cut to shed the stains

Sex to feel the love

Purge to stop the gain

Smokes, drinks, drugs, and pain

Pick your poison,

We're all to blame.

Survey; (Stolen.From.Beth)

2008-04-29T17:05:00.002-06:00

Only answer True or False

Q: Kissed someone? true
Q: Been arrested? false
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like? true
Q: Do you like someone? true
Q: Held a snake? true
Q: Been suspended from school? false
Q: Been fired from a job? false
Q: Sang karaoke? true
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? true
Q: Laughed until you started crying? true
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? true
Q: Kissed in the rain? false
Q: Sang in the shower? true
Q: Sat on a roof top? false
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? false
Q: Broken a bone? false
Q: Shaved your head? false

LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with? ahhhh Colleen and Steven on saturday... We went for sushi
2. You texted? I dunno really... That's hard because I lost my phone like 3 weeks ago.
3. You were in a car with? Mom, Bina and auntie Cindy
4. Went to the movies with? Beowulf with Auntie Marie and Trish
5. You went shopping with? myself......
6. You talked on the phone? Beth
7. Made you laugh? Uhhhh Either Alex or Reece.
8. You hugged? Wyatt
9. You cried in front of? Ummm Family I think
10. Where do u live? Ft Mcmurry
11. Club or Pub? ummm I dunno
12. Are there 1 or 2 ppl who u can always trust and rely on? I hope so. But for most things yes I believe so.
13. Do you want to get married? Hopefully someday. If I can find the right guy... If there is such a thing.
14. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl all the way.
15. What time is it? 5:19 pm
16. Are u afraid of commitment? Most likely yes
17. Would you have a party? Oh yeah. Provided that nobody got hurt or smashed the place.
18. Do You cook? occasionally
19. Current mood? Confused

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone? Nope.
2. Sang?Of course
3. Listened to music? Most Deininitly
4. Seen someone you care a lot about? Really cared about not really... Other than family of course.
5. Danced Crazy? Hxc. Everyday.
6. Cried? Ummm nope. Almost though.
7. Like someone you can't have? Yup.

Fairy-Tales and Tragedy

2008-04-21T03:03:00.000-06:00

He was her knight in aluminum armor
Guiding the way with his iPod torch
Both in shambles and broken
But neither really knew

She was a damsel, always in distress
Her knight was there whenever she called
In the middle of a storm or in the middle of the night
he was always there with his mechanical steed.

What a fairy-tale life they had
a princess and her knight
always depending on each other
when the other needed them most.

but where did it all go wrong?
A look, a touch, a feeling.
silly little princess
she fell in love.

She could never admit it
no matter how many people said its true
she refused to believe their words
her mind said no but her heart said yes

she told her knight her secret
he shook his head and walked away
where are they now?
back where they started, broken and alone

Maybe thats why the princess never falls in love

Your Guardian Angel-Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

2007-11-28T11:31:00.000-07:00

Your Guardian Angel
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Your Guardian Angel
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

2007-11-02T10:19:00.001-06:00

Watch the fire burn out.
Watch the curtain start to close.
Waiting on the final words,
Your heart already knows.

The hate for the end of the day
Knowing that it was all in vain
Praying for the peace
But only feeling the pain

Crazy little words
That everyone wants to hear
“I miss you”. “I love you”.
They always leave me with fear.

Those words never came easy
When they did I knew they were true
Few can make me say them
And the biggest one is you.

I have never wanted anything
More than I do today.
Time is cutting short
To say want I need to say.

Watch the fire burn out.
Watch the curtain start to close.
Waiting on the final words,
your heart already knows.

I miss you, I love you

Please, please always know.

Jimmy Robbins

2007-10-08T14:22:00.000-06:00

Breathe Again - Jimmy Robbins

She's got this journal filled
with all her black ink guilt
and love is the only thing keeping her alive
she's got her mind made up
that all she needs is love
her heart is the only thing helping her decide
to breathe again, to breathe again

And when she's tired she doesn't sleep
a week since I've seen her eat
She's skin and bones, she's beautiful
no matter what
I wish I could help her see
she means the world to me
But the world, it doesn't mean much to her

She's got this journal filled
with all her black ink guilt
and love is the only thing keeping her alive
she's got her mind made up
that all she needs is love
her heart is the only thing helping her decide
to breathe again, to breathe again

I'll be there to split your lips like when the ice berg hits
and the ship has to break apart
show its teeth and smile

she's got this journal filled
with all her black ink guilt
and love is the only thing keeping her alive
she's got her mind made up
that all she needs is love
and she'll breathe again
and she'll breathe again
and she'll breathe agains
he'll breathe again, again

Fate

2007-10-06T11:14:00.001-06:00

Troubled by their separate pasts,
Scared by their futures together,
Two lovers, neither star crossed, or forbidden
Fall in line, hand in hand

Neither tainted nor broken
Like they both seem to believe
Accident’s happen
But not for all the wrong reasons
It’s all for the better in the end

A simple line that changes it all
“Their Fate”, they say together
Believing and a kiss
It seals the deal
They are both happy in their right now forever

If not for their pasts
They would not have a future
Who they were yesterday,
A little different than whom they are today
They will never be the same again

So here’s to their Fate or Destiny
Coincidence or their own making
Just Hope, or keep on believing
Everything will be a fairytale ending

Make a Wish…
Do You Believe in Fate?

What Daddy Doesn't Know

2007-09-09T15:16:00.000-06:00

What daddy doesn't know is
how much mommy is alone.
What daddy doesn't know is
how much I have grown.
What daddy doesn't know is
my belief in the Lord.
What daddy doesn't know is
how some days I wish I was never born.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I learned to live, love and laugh.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I have trouble with my past.
What daddy doesn't know is
how much I want to see him.
What daddy doesn't know is
how much I like to win.
What daddy doesn't know is
how another will probably walk me down the aisle.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I'm probably not worth any one's while.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I think about him everyday.
What daddy doesn't know is
that my heart hurts in every way.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I cry myself to sleep some nights.
What daddy doesn't know is
how much I hate it when people fight.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I miss the way it was.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I wish I had the wings of a dove.
What daddy doesn't know is
the peace I sometimes feel in my heart.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I hate how far my friends and I are apart.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I'm alone all the time.
What daddy doesn't know is
how nothing is really mine.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I've been abused physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
What daddy doesn't know is
that most of the abuse hasn't been family.
What daddy doesn't know is
there are some people who are my world.
And most of all
What daddy doesn't know is
daddy's little girl.

A Beautiful Song

2007-08-06T20:22:00.001-06:00

This is a song that Tasha wrote for me. It’s beautiful.
’Nuff said. Here it is.

:: in song with bad guitar accompaniment ::

Oh Sarah, you came and you joined our YG,

I remember calling you butterfly bum girl for the first

three weeks!

Your hair was always different so I couldn’t remember your

name.

Oh, the Idema's bring friends all the time, and most never stay.

I remember being impressed that you kept coming.

So I decided to learn your name.

Oh Sarah,

Saraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Now, I know you!!

And I like you!

And I looooooooove youuuuuu!

Oh, Sarah!

Saraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I hear you’ve moved away, but I moved first.

So sad as I’m sure you are, I can’t tell the difference

Between Edmonton and Fort Mac at this long distance!

So sister, take heart!

We are never truly apaaaaaart!!

Saraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

:: lame guitar ending ::

-Natasha Mills, at 10:58pm on August 3rd, 2007

Gone away

2007-07-17T10:40:00.001-06:00

I was told that I needed to update this sucker, but at the time I was to angry to type anything, so here I go now....

Things here are... okay. I would love to able to tell you that they were "peachy-keen", But they're not. I am slowly driving myself crazy out here with no one to talk to, and no where to go.

I cannot spend my days in the library or in a mall or in a music store. Not even in a friken coffee shop. Why? because its about 1 half-hour- forty-five minute drive to TOWN. I live in a Hamlet. That's what Anzac is classified as.

It seems that no one out there in E-town or where ever is, emailing me or talking to me, with the exception of Beth *sometimes* and it's hard. I cannot seem to get it right, so I just try harder, and you know what? I crash and burn.

About a week and a half ago(on a Saturday) I passed out in my bathroom on the floor. Why?
Because I was outside the day before for over two hours in the heat and got an sunburn and heat stroke. Then that Saturday I went for a half hour run at 6:30 am and got home and went for a shower. I failed to remember the fact that I should have eaten or drank after. I step out of the show feeling really nauseous and dizzy so I sat down, fighting the urge to throw up or pass out. Well I ended up passing out on the floor for a few minutes before I got up and went and passed out on my bed in the living room.

I'm probably reverting back to where I was about 5-6 months ago, and it sucks.
I'm left alone most of the time, which is fine with me. Most of you know that I am a touch person and I am almost always near a person, well I can't stand being touched right now. The only time I hug someone is the customary hug for thank yous.

I miss everyone. and no one seems to get it. No one seems to get the fact that I am dying out here. I guess I got what I wanted... not to have a heart so that I couldn't feel anything. Well it's mostly working like that. The only thing I feel is pain. not the physical kind either. The kind that come from inside when you miss someone, the kind that makes you feel like you heart is being ripped out.
Yeah fun isn't?

It kinda sucks too when you find out that you best friend is recording an EP around the same time everyone finds out. I am actually really glad for you and your sister. I hope it goes good. But thanks for telling me.

I don't know what else to say or do so.....

Someone please save me from myself...... please talk to me.

"Lock the windows, and bolt the door, cause I've got enough problems without creating more. I feel like I was born, for devastation and reform"

-untitled-

2007-06-26T13:43:00.000-06:00

Take this heart of mine,
Place it on a pedestal
I don't need it anymore.

I'd rather be heartless then love you,
To be part of you and all you represent,
Polar to what I need,
Polar to what I believe.

God, I need you
Shelter me from what they've become
I cannot stand it anymore
Days go by and I find myself faltering.
Father, I need you

They tell me I'm not good enough
And that everything I believe is wrong
I know they are wrong about you, Jesus,
But what about me,
Will I ever be enough?

God, I need you,
Even more than before
Shelter me from what they want me to be
I want to stand strong
Always and forever in your arms
Father I need you

Make my heart pure
Strong enough to make it through
Until then take my heart away
I cannot stand the pain.

Love God, Always and Forever

2007-06-22T17:10:00.001-06:00

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We're crying for them come back home
All your children stretch out their hands
and pick up the crippled man
Father we will lead them home
Sinners reach out your hands
Children in Christ you stand.

We who were called to be your people,
Struggling sinners and thieves
were lifted from the ashes
and out came the song of the redeemed.

Your mercy brings me to my knees.
Oh, the beauty of your majesty.
On the cross you showed your love for me.

In your presence God, i'm completely satisfied.
For you I sing, I dance. I rejoice in this divine romance.
Lift my heart and my hands to show my love, to show my love.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
-- Proverbs 31:30

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 - Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.

Romans 12:2 - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Psalm 139:13-14 - For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
16 - your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Isaiah 40:29 - He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Childhood Silence

2007-06-22T17:06:00.000-06:00

Silence
Where did it go?
Only to be replaced with tension
Your wordy knife, My speechless back
Is this what you intended all along?

I never meant to shut you out,
Or turn my back,
But maybe that's what you did first,
And now it's broken.

I would almost prefer a loud and obnoxious fight,
To the one that is brewing and waging inside of both of us.
Silent and and deadly,
Causing unwanted anger and hatred.

Let's go back to the days of old
When you would walk up to someone and be best friends,
When sacrifice ment sharing you're favorite crayon or toy.
When the biggest fear was crossing the street alone.

Take my hand, and cross this road.
I'll never leave you.
I swear.

Rockst*r, Mon$ter, Full Thrott!e

2007-06-20T20:44:00.000-06:00

So I am in a very good mood right now, despite my breakdown earlier at school. No, I'm not on drugs, no I'm not drunk, I just have had an amazing realization. I am too young to be worried or depressed, and should just focus on what I have, right now, and what is important to me. I am slowly figuring it out, it's not easy, but I am doing it.

Not to say that there won't be moments where I will doubt myself, or be worried or depressed, because there will be, but that's life. And I know that I have so many people cheering me on, and will be there for me and pick me up when I fall. And I won't be as alone as I thought. Because I have God, and my friends. Like Fish, and McFly, and Biff. They will be there for me every step of the way.

I may not be completely sane, sometimes, And I may be too quiet at others, but that's me. That's who I am right now.

And I'm not okay. There is a lot going on. I'm not okay today, and I cannot guarantee that I will be okay tomorrow, but I will be okay in the future, and that I know.

And I will keep on fighting for my sanity and being myself.

This is my life.

Mistakes, and Things You Can't Take Back.

2007-06-18T00:06:00.000-06:00

So, today I went to the last Focus that I will be going to for a while. Then again it was the last one until September. But yeah.

I made a mistake tonight. Well right now I think it was a mistake. But anyways..

I gave this guy a note, telling him that I liked him. No big deal right? No harm done.

Wrong. Why?

Because he is my closest guy friend. And I probably just screwed everything up between us.
And I wish I could take it all back.

But there you have it folks! Another brilliant mistake by me.

But I have to apologize to him so here it is.

I'm sorry that I sprang that on you the way I did. I know that you like someone else who is way better, and I don't know why I did it.
I know I was a coward to do it the way I did, and maybe I should have just left it alone. But I just don't know. Maybe we could try to go back to normal, even though I messed up?
Nothing has changed, it's still the same as before... You just have a little insight now. I still think of you as a really good friend, and I hope that we can still play a part in eachother's life.

Anyways. I am just trying to figure this all out, and stop shaking.

Good night. Good Bye

Opposite Reactions

2007-06-09T20:37:00.000-06:00

Am I wrong in this
So many voices shouting yes
But one voice says no.
Which to believe

To take your hand
Or walk away without saying
Saying what they say I should
leaves me in a precarious situation

I like you, I do
But what if you feel as I do
Do we go on different
Or do we just stay the same?

But wait, what if you don't
As so many believe
What know?
I just made a fool of myself, didn't I?

Maybe I should just shut up, and leave.

Always Know [Before I Go]

2007-06-03T19:56:00.000-06:00

They tell me to admit it,
To admit which I try to deny,
They say that I am transparent,
But they cannot see inside.

If I was head over heals
I would be flat on my face
But as far as I can tell
I'm still standing in this place

Take your accusations
And bury them in the ground
They will never make it past it all

I will never make a sound.

I hate the fact that it has to be this way

And the fact that it is making me rhyme
But the way he makes me feel,

It's different this time.

So back off, and don't tell me how I feel

I feel stronger than you know,
Chances are I'm not letting on the truth

Of how I want to tell him before I go.

Maybe I do [not] love him, I honestly don't know.

Beatuy

2007-06-02T12:19:00.000-06:00

She has beauty wrapped around her, but she doesn't know it
she's not told this
There are scars that will remind her of the ones that she knows
It's become old
She walks streets alone, screaming to the world we are with hope
But we don't know
We won't know
It's a shame
Who's going to take the first step to someone?
Who's going to be the one to live in love?
We'll walk right beside you on streets that care
More for words than we do
We're your life
There's a wandering heart through these city stars
But the light won't shine on those passing
Every one's around and their words have sound
But the people don't
Together we are
Walking streets alone
screaming to the world we are with hope
But it won't know
We won't know
It's a shame
It's true
She is so beautiful
There's no more giving of the heart

I was thinking about this poem I found, as well as a song by Amanda Falk, and how girls put so much emphasis on their beauty, and the ones who are truly beautiful never know it.

I love that fact that not all guys are attracted to girls for their "beauty".
some guys like maturity, personality and so on.

Rush of Fools

2007-05-25T14:44:00.000-06:00

Rush Of Fools - Undo

I've been here before, now here I am again

Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in

To label me a prodigal would be

Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up

Undo what I've become

Bring me back to the place

Of forgiveness and grace

I need You, need Your help

I can't do this myself

You’re the only one who can undo

What I've become

I focused on the score, but I could never win

Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be

Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
What I've become

Make every step lead me back to

The sovereign way that You

Turn me around pick me up

Undo what I've become

Bring me back to the place

Of forgiveness and grace

I need You, need Your help

I can't do this myself

You’re the only one who can undo

What I've become

I was listening to this on my friends iPod When it donned on me.
I really needed to get back on track with God.
I mean lately I had been all over the place
with my faith and just myself
And I just really needed to get back.
So next time that I go a stray, please someone let me know,
if you notice...
Please?

Prefection [not] in Frailty

2007-05-24T15:22:00.000-06:00

Still, I remember exactly
how your hand fit into mine.
Your kiss still lingers on my lips.
Tell me when I'll get over this.

is it wrong to assume that you missed me?
because the look in your eyes says that you're dying
to kiss me the touch of your lips is tasteful and
forgiving a part of the past that I don't mind reliving.

It`s hard to wait around for
something that will never happen,
but it`s even harder to stop
when it`s everything you want..♥

I've learned that guys can make the greatest friends.
One of my best friends is a guy, and I can tell him anything.
Except for the fact that I'm absolutely crazy for him.
I usually leave that part out of our conversations.

Don't change anything about yourself for a guy ;
because that one thing that you changed ;
may have been the one thing he loved about you.

shut the heck up.you are worth it.
you're worth every guy in that friken school.
but you don`t see that.
I'm here trying to tell you that you are,
but you won't listen.

so it's not just the phone calls or kodakit's
not just the laughs or smiles ;
it's having each other's back and being a shoulder to cry on;
it's simply loving each other until the day's end.
&& that's what makes us
[ b e s t f r i e n d s] ♥

You know someone is a true friend when,
you are about to break down && cry,
but they will say the stupidest,
most random thing just to see you smile.

Those who cry are stronger than those who hold it inside.

because you're beautiful & you don't know it
because you're smart & you don't believe it.
you're the kind of girl that guys don't get over.
& you're the kind of the kind of other girls get compared to.

Sometimes you have to be like Kelly Clarkson.
You’ve got to breakaway from the past,
say you’re so moving on since he's been gone,
let people know what’s behind your hazel eyes,
realize you got far in your life all because of you and the people you love,
let that person who’s pissing you off know that you’re already gone,
love being addicted to the one you love,
make sure you know where YOUR heart is,
walk away from your problems,
stop hating yourself for losing him,
make sure people can hear you and you can hear them,
and know that life can be such a beautiful disaster.

Best friends aren’t real best friends until they love you for who you are,
not what they want you to be.
They are always there for you no matter what.
Even if you’re fighting and they hate your guts, if you need them, they will be there, no questions asked.
They can always make you laugh even when you are feeling your worst.
They understand you and you don’t even have to tell them.
They are the only ones who know what “I’m okay” really means, when you’re not.
They couldn’t care less about what other people think of you and when you disappoint them,
they will let you know about it.
They are the only people on earth who could completely destroy you,
but would never dream of it.
They are the ones you spend all your time with.
You laugh with them.
You cry with them.
But most of all, best friends are the people you need in your life,
beside you at all times.
They are the people you would be lost without.

I`m the kind of girl who can talk to a
total stranger about anything & everything,
but I can`t tell my best friend how much I`m hurting.
I can let people know that I`m young & not worry about it,
but I can`t tell them how much I miss being younger.
I hate not being invited to parties only cause I feel so alone,
& I can`t understand how I don`t have many friends.
I`m the kind of girl that can be easy to fall for & the kind of girl who falls easily.
I`m the kind of girl who can pick herself up,
& I can switch my feelings in a minute.
There`s only one thing that I know I can`t do;
& that`s believe that I ever thought I`d end up with you.

Sometimes when you look back on a situation,
you realize it wasn't all you thought it was.
Someone walked into your life, you fell in love.
Or did you?Maybe it was only a childish infatuation
.Or maybe it was a brief moment of insanity.

You only find a few people in this world.
A few people who tell you they love you
&& a few who mean it with all their heart

she's beautiful, but she'll never admit it.
music makes her world go round, literally.
friends are her everything.
she's afraid of being alone.
when she smiles her whole face lights up.
& her heart has been broken by a guy who doesn't like her anymore a
nd you know what?
she`s still brave.

She’s got eyes of innocence a face of angels
a personality of a dreamer and
a smile that hides more pain than you can imagine

Tell me something real this time, and maybe I’ll believe you.

just remember ;;no matter who brings you down,
I'll bring you back up because that's just what friends do.

Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart.
If we could just remember this,
I think there would be a lot more compassion
and tolerance in the world.

Shes a daydreamer.
Everyone can see that.
But what they don't see, is her dreams.

There are two kinds of secrets:
Those we keep from others & those we keep from ourselves.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=tons_of_icons_just_4_u_13&amp;amp;amp;nextdate=5%2f8%2f2007+11%3a14%3a9.400&direction=n

Photographs of Teen Spirt

2007-05-23T15:02:00.000-06:00

Take this photograph

We'll cut it into four.

Three and one,

Four and two.

Maybe this will be the start,

Of the rest of our lives, together

Maybe we can make this work,

I hope that for both our sanities we can

They come between us sometimes

With their trivial problems

But thanks to you,

I am still fighting on

Take my heart and open it up,

See me for who I am,

Scared, awkward and alone

Then lock me back up

Tell no-one what you've seen

Can you see me now?

Can you see who I am?

Tell me who you think I am

And how I truely feel inside

Stop the pain,
Kill the pride,
Spread the love,
Try not to hide yourself.

Can you see us now, as we stand together?

The Whole Darn Thing. && Everything That Comes With It

2007-05-12T18:34:00.000-06:00

This post is pretty much what i am thinking about lately.

Throwing away boys, and keeping the men would, yes, be awesome.
But, what makes a man a man, and a boy a boy?
I mean, how can we discern between the both? What happens if we throw away a man and keep a boy? Or Vice-Versa?
Chaos, that's what. Chaos, and hurt, and resentment.
But,....
What makes a man a man? Is it what he has or does not have? Is it age, Lack of purity, or even trials? Honestly I wish I knew, because then I could tell you whether or not it was worth it all.

Where do we draw the line between truth and lies, safety and danger, even betrayal? What about sin? When will we know we've crossed them? Will it be after its all over, when the guilt sets in or will we ever be able to tell?
I believe that we all have the ability to find the lines and test the boundaries, but sometimes people fall in. I don't want to be one of them. I don't want to betray anyone. and I really don't want to sin. Even though its inevitable. The sinning I mean. I wish the lines were drawn in fluorescent colours so that we could see them better. Then, maybe, just maybe, Things might be easier. But I doubt that.

I had a really good talk with one of my friends this morning/last night and I have to say that I'm glad that him and I got to talk. Sometimes, when I'm with him, I feel like I can say anything and not be judged and somehow, he will know exactly how I am feeling or know what I am going through. And that I have to say is amazing, and I am glad that God brought him into my life. I hope that in the future that we get to know each other better. And just get to talk or discuss, anything and everything.

I am really praying hard for my friend Fish's friends, as they are really hurt and ill right now, and she really needs help with this. She shouldn't have to go through this alone. So I just know that with enough people praying and thinking about them that there will be a miracle. So I'm just praying constantly, for them and her. Shawn, Tyler, Anna, Justin, and Kaitlin. It's hard.

I am also praying to continue to repair the relationship between me and one of my closest friends. I hate when her and I cannot talk. But we are slowly getting there. Once again I thank God that she is in my life. And I know that she is destined for great things and that she will touch a great deal of lives, like she did mine.

As I said, this post is just everything that is on my mind right now.... Well not everything. But yeah... This is The Whole Darn Thing && Everything That Comes With It.

Zombies, Cranberries, and Concerts.

2007-05-10T17:05:00.000-06:00

"Zombie" -- The Cranberries

***This is a song I might be singing with aarika at our concert on the 31st of May....You should come.***

Another head hangs lowly,
Child is slowly taken.
And the violence caused such silence,
Who are we mistaken?

But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying...

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou...

Another mother's breakin',
Heart is taking over.
When the vi'lence causes silence,
We must be mistaken.

It's the same old theme since nineteen-sixteen.
In your head, in your head they're still fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are dying...

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, oh, ya, ya-a...

&& He talked to me.

2007-04-30T20:06:00.001-06:00

He talked to me. Sure I talked to him first but he didn't ignore me this time. It was... wow.

I realized that I do miss him, even though I no longer feel the same way I once did about him and that I do not hate him as much as I say I do.

It was weird. Although I still like this other guy more, I cannot help but think about him. Why? Because it really affected me.

And yeah... wow.

Remedy

2007-04-29T16:44:00.000-06:00

Stop.
Stop it all.
Stop my pain, and all my thoughts.
Stop my heart.

Stillness
Can you feel it?
The air, my lungs, your heart.
I want to make this moment last.
Last forever.

For my friends-
These are things I can never say to you guys.
Why? Because it would kill me to do so mostly
because I am too scared to or I don't want to hurt you.
*If you think one is you e-mail me
and I will tell you if you are right or wrong*
*Some people may be done twice or more*

I want to talk to you so bad. Just pour out my mind and heart. Talk about things that are real.
And you not walking away from me all time would help.

What is happening between us? We used to talk so much. And as I look at you I cannot help but to wonder how deep our friendship really was.

It's amazing how similar our lives are. What we both have gone through is even more amazing. You may be a little older but that doesn't matter in the end. We will always be together (I hope).

You are so beautiful. Never forget that. And he may be the one for you, so never give up hope. He will be here sometime. Never give up on anything. You are truly amazing.

I know you really liked him and dare I say loved, but he obviously wasn't the one for you. And please Hun don't go into another physical based relationship, because you will just get hurt. I'm sorry to say, but it is true.

You will find love. And she will make you happier than anyone ever could. So cheer up, and realize that it is not all over, and that no one else may be able to see through your mask but the thing is, it is becoming slightly translucent to me.

I love that fact that you and I have been getting closer lately. You have been there for me when I feel like everyone has walked away from me. I hope that we grow closer, and that we can continue to be able to talk about everything. And deep down you know you do like him more than you will admit to. And I hope that someday you get him, or find a guy like him, because you deserve it.

I love you so much. and I know that I can be a pain, but you need to trust me. Because I need you. And I would die for you. I hope he makes you happy too, even though I cannot remember what he looks like, or even if it is the right guy. But you too will be able to say *I love you* to someone one day. I have faith in you.

Take pride in the fact that you are different. God made you that way. And Chances are that is why I am friends with you. Because you broke the mold and found me of all people. Y'all are the thing that makes me strong when I am week, you are my REMEDY.

I miss you so much and I cannot wait until next summer. I hope I can see you then. We will go and get attractive swollen feet together.

I want to get to know you better. But we never seem to have time to get together. So maybe we should spend a day or something together and just hang. You and me. lol. Lets jsut you be you and me be me, and it will be all okay.

Failed Attempts of Truth

2007-04-18T18:36:00.001-06:00

Sing me something that you mean
From your heart and straight to me
Every word will be in key, except for one
Those seven letters I hate most

Goodbye.

What ever happened to the truth? What happened to talking about things that are real? I miss that. I wish I knew what happened. I miss us. Is there an US? Can't we be where we are and still be real?
Failed attempts to talk to you, is I have to remember. And I don't want to say goodbye.

Hey you, yeah you
Playing with my hope for truth
You always know just what to say
to make me lose my confidence
it's here and then it's gone again
maybe it's better off this way
with pathetic me, just pathetically
singing myself sick

Whenever I am near you I stutter and stumble and do not know what to say. You make me act crazy. So I just sing myself to sleep. And think back on what was said. What was done.
Please stop walking away from me... I'm sure one of these times we'll get it right. And maybe, just maybe, I will stop thinking you are going to let me down, and be able to be more true than ever to you.

Stuck in the Storm-Too Sorry for Apologies

2007-04-14T22:03:00.001-06:00

Stuck in the Storm- Too Sorry For Apologies
Verse 1
I'll be leaving soon, but I believe in you
I'll find a way
to make it feel alright, the long days and longer nights
this can be OK
Just promise me it's everything, just promise me
Just promise me it's everything, I'll do the same
Chorus
Cause when the days are getting colder I miss you most
I'm stuck out in a rainstorm, but you're my coat
to keep me safe, to keep me warm
cause without you I'm just stuck in the storm
Bridge
just breathe out a little bit, I'll be there soon
I'm there for you too
Just fly a flag a little bit, we'll be okay
Chorus
Cause when the days are getting colder I miss you most
I'm stuck out in a rainstorm, but you're my coat
to keep me safe, to keep me warm
cause without you I'm just stuck in the storm
and the days are getting colder, I miss you more
then I ever did or ever could before
just open up

A Tale of a Beautiful Heart

2007-04-11T18:16:00.000-06:00

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town, proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, and old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."
The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right, and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared. "How can he say his heart is more beautiful?", they thought.

The young man looked at the old man's heart, saw its state, and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine: mine is perfect, and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking, but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of their heart to me. These are the empty gouges. Giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore, but more beautiful then ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

Two is a magical number.

2007-04-10T18:50:00.000-06:00

Two hearts beating as one.

I want to lay my head on your chest and just hear your heart beating.

Two minds thinking as one.

I want to hear your thoughts and know where you stand on issues.

Two hands joined together

I want to hold your hand when I'm scared[and when your scared], and know everything will be alright.

Two lives joined as one.

I want to be with you forever.

To bad I cannot have what I want or be with you...

Push You. Pull Me.

2007-04-09T20:46:00.000-06:00

Pushed away.
That's where all her friends end up,
Where does she stand?
Alone in a corner

She tries hard to bring them closer,
Only to end up pushing them away
Divulging secrets on how she feels
Only to get shoved further

Talk to her,
You'll see she's not so bad,

Her feelings a little mixed up,

With scenarios playing through her head

She's never had it all planned out

And now it all changes

Just give her time to realize your worth and take the time to realize hers.

Human

2007-04-08T20:43:00.000-06:00

Lets get this straight,
I made a mistake,
And now you cannot stand to talk to me.

But can't you see?
That I am only human
And that this is how it is?

If I did something wrong
or hurt you in anyway,
or even made you uncomfortable
tell me and I will stop.

Talk to me,
Show that I truely am alive
And I will belive what you say

Cant we just forget this even happend and make up and be friends?

Kryptonite

2007-04-08T20:35:00.000-06:00

Like superman in his fortress of solitude

I am all alone

Nothing can reach me out here

Not even Kryptonite

Did you know that you are my kryptonite?

You make me weak, you make me strong

You make me rebel against every instinct in my body.

You make me show everything I usually Hide.

Why?

I wish I was superman, Just so that I could run from you.

Intensity

2007-04-08T20:20:00.000-06:00

Every time I look into your eyes
I see something new,
And yet something familiar and inviting

Intensity.
Our eyes locked once again,
My eyes, questioning
Yours almost begging.
Begging mine to understand
And figure out
What they are really saying.

But I can't.
Because I don't understand.
The language your eyes are speaking is new,
And I cannot decipher it.

Won't you teach me something new? Won't you teach me the language of your eyes, Won't you please teach me the language of love?

Sweet Beans, Cool Action

2007-04-07T18:09:00.002-06:00

Friends 'til the end

That's what was promised

But what if it all changes, my friend.

What if one goes away?

Plans get changed,

Promises broken,

But one thing remains true

I'll always be here[there] for you.

Secrets, laughter,

Pain and smiles

"I'd swim oceans for you"

This is all true, back at you.

So tell me the truth,

because from you I can take it,

This is for real,

Even if it ends bittersweet.

So take this with you where ever you go,

I hope our lives intertwine,

For you I'd run a thousand miles

Be with you until I die.

Sweet Beans and Cool Action, My Sister, My Friend

Forever

2007-03-29T18:00:00.000-06:00

Forever

Never say I love you,
If you don't really care.
Never talk about feelings,
If they aren't really there.

Never hold my hand,
If you are going to break my heart.
Never say your going to,
If you don't plan to start.

Never look into my eyes,
If all you do is lie.
Never say "Hello",
If you really mean "Goodbye".

If you really mean forever,
Then say you'll try.
Never say forever,
Because forever makes me cry.

*This is a poem I received from this guy that I knew and liked. It has played a big part in my life in the last year and a half, two years.
If i could go back and change anything that happened between us, it would be telling him that I liked him, and finding out the truth on why he sent it to me sooner than later, instead of thinking up crazy reasons on why it was sent. I *Almost* wish that nothing has changed between us, but in the end I guess it was for the best.

~][I'll never forget you and what you taught me.][~

Fly Away

2007-03-21T21:43:00.000-06:00

Running across a meadow,
She stumbles.
Praying to God to mend her,
Give her enough strength to fly.

Shattered wings,
She falls to the ground,
Shes no angel,
And everyone knows.

A simple mistake,
A large flaw,
They see it all,
And all she can do is apologise.

She has fallen,
So far from grace,
But all they do is watch,
And criticize her every move.

It hurts her,
Every time she falls,
Every blow she takes,
They will never know.

She prays for mended wings,
And sometimes a mended heart,
Hope.
Its all she has left.

With shattered wings,
She attepmts to fly,
Only to fall once again,
And get back up.

Maybe this time she will fly,
Only for you she will,
Running across a meadow,
She never gives up.

Maybe this time she's gonna fly solo.

Random.. oh my

2007-03-15T18:54:00.000-06:00

Okay... So. (Who doesn't own a cell phone)
This week has been SO intense it is not funny. But I guess I will all turn out okay in the end.

This is my schedule for the next few days...
Friday- Christan club,(Fill in more empty time), Youth group
Saturday- No clue... yet.
Sunday- Bethal( church), (Fill in inbetween time),Focus

Okay so its not as intense as it looks.
But it feels so intense.

But I have to say...
Katie is a pretty amazing friend to have. I am blessed to have her in my life.

Yes... I will write more later.

Stars no longer shine

2007-02-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

She's so numb

To eveyone, and eveything around her

Constenly playing her guitar

With that unknown melody

She tries to forget everyone, everything

But no matter what,

It always stays with her

They never know

Shes come undone

Worried about everyone

About the tomorrow that may never come,

To her and her family

About the loneliness her friends feel

About the lonelieness she feels

To sleep forever would be perpetual bliss

But it will never come

For that is her only wish

To be close to God

forever in his arms

Silence surrounds in a way that cannot be described

Comforted by presence she feels

Jesus come to take her home

He knows she come undone

And only He knows how to make her whole

Sweet surrender

Make her whole

Shes come undone

All for you

The loneliness comes to fast

And embraces her, suffocates her

But keeps her sane

Victory just out of reach

For the last time

Shes come undone

The Significance in Ignorance

2007-02-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how your life can change in a moment.
With a simple word, an action, another life.

But when will WE realize that we are not living up to our potential, and that we could change a life?
When AIDS kills millions more, or seems like the answer to a hard life.
When war affects YOU and is not just something that happens in another country.
When YOU realize that GOD sent HIS SON to DIE for us.

Take a stand. Show people what is out there.
Show them there IS a better way, that WAR and DEATH are NOT the only answers.
That LOVE, PEACE, and KINDNESS, solve many more things!

I don't mean to come across as naive or hopeful but I believe that WE CAN make a DIFFERENCE if WE TRY.

So I am asking; Who wants to take a stand, and help people, make things right, and LIVE FOR GOD.
I know I do.

Don't turn your back when you see something that scares you.
Don't stay silent when you have something to stay.
If you are not going to LIVE your LIFE for YOU, LIVE it for JESUS.

And TAKE A STAND.

So, I am asking.
Will YOU take a stand?

I don't wanna wait.....

2007-02-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

Just push me away,
Cast me aside
As if I was never here
I can make it alone
I Swear.

I will be strong,
I will be smart,
I will be in a place
Where I never belonged

Don't take me away,
Just leave me alone,
I have all that I need,
Trust me....
All I need is Jesus

I'm tired of living this lie,
Of happiness, joy and smiles,
I want to cry,
Just run away.
Can't you see?

I'll make it all alone if I gotta...

So cast me aside,
I've never belonged
It's not like I've made an impact
Forget me like I was never here.

Trust me.... you're better off that way.

Such and such...

2007-02-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

Yes..... I really needed to post something new in here, on a happier note. So yush....
Today was pretty good so far.
Tobogganing with everyone.. well Millses, Idemas and others... Yey!!!
Then later we are going to focus!! So that will be pretty sweet... Only my side hurts.. I have a major case of SNOW BURN!!! Ahhhh.. It kinda really hurts... yush.... So I have to be careful with that....... lol
Blah... Beth and I might add the words to the song we are working on later today... before focus probably.. lol yes.. Indeed... She is the lyrical mastermind in our band, I just... well ummm... I just kinda get the melody... ohhhh......
(Beth: Which is important too or we wouldn't have the music..... just the words XD)
Oh Shush up you!!! You got the melody to that one song that everyone hears.. and Tynan's song too!
(Beth: That's only *counts on fingers* three songs really..... *cough*)

Wait thats only 2.... Do you not know how to count???!!!??
(Beth: Um.... well the one from the other day that Mel & I were testing out that sounded pretty good..... yeaaaahhh)
Oh yea!!! that one sounded pretty rad!!!! So yeah!!!!
So yeah... ending this now before it get out of hand...
In the words of Bethany... TO THE BATMOBILE!!!!!
laters

(Beth: Right..... Wonderwall is stuck in my head now..... along with the music of Bounce by Manafest... so it's like Wonderwall with the music from Bounce. Swwwweeet)

P.s... My pants are still wet from tobogganing..... :gonk:

Gone.. Away?

2007-02-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

I found out the other day that at the end of this school year my mom wants to move to a small town. Which means that I might be moving out of Edmonton.

Wow.......

I really do not want to move. If you would have asked me at the beginning of the year (School year) I probably would have said yes. but now I have so many reasons to stay ( not that I didn't before) I really am considering going to a Christian college and leading my youth group on top of all this other stuff I want to do and have planned. Such as the Band,

Am I being selfish? Wanting to stay in a place that makes my mom so unhappy? Just so I can be happy?

Something is wrong with me if..... I really do not want to move but in the end if it is what makes my mom happy what can I say? I am so confused...

I guess I have to put it in God's hands and leave it up to him. He will lead me to where I am supposed to be...

Run

2007-02-13T13:50:00.000-07:00

All I have ever wanted to do was run... just run away from everyone and everything.
But now, now there are reasons holding me here and I realize that the only thing I was running from was me. I am scared of myself and who I've been and who I will become. I have no clue of where I was going or anything like that. Thanks to God I got my life on track and now, I'm running in the right direction. I am slowly learning who I am and where I belong. And I realize that He has been pionting me in that direction for a while.
So thank you Everyone for keeping me where I belong.

As Simple As Snow

2007-02-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

You don't choose who you fall in love with; You just fall.

And sometimes you have to pick yourself up again. Even you want to stay broken forever, just so you do not get broken ever again.

Love is not what we become, but what we already are -Stephen Levine

All in all,
Love is as simple as snow

Influences and Misdirection

2007-02-03T12:29:00.002-07:00

Lately I've been thinking about personal images and what society defines as beautiful. We get sucked into thinking that we are A) better than everyone else because we are defined as "Beautiful" B)Meh.. so-so not "beautiful" but not "ugly" or C) "ugly". people hate or make fun of these people.

Now if go look in the mirror. what do YOU see? Chances are you feel off about yourself. I know I do sometimes. But GOD made us the way we are for a reason! No matter what other people think we have to stay strong. So so someone you are so-so But to someone else you might be the MOST beautiful or attractive person they know.

It probably doesn't help that you and your friends joke around about apperences, weight, height and all that stuff. One of my friends and I have this joke "Geez your so fat! (Pause) You must be like 110!" Then we laugh. But in all reality this is very harmful.

Do you see all of me
Do you see all I can be
Is all you can see, my face
Or do they go to my waist
Look into my eyes and tell me what you see
Chances are you have never seen the true me

Think about it.
About all the people you have judged and went away from because they looked different.
The media has standards that are wrong. If you want to see beauty ask God or look to Him.
You will see things differently.

Stop my shaking hands.

2007-01-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

Truth hurts.

Plain and simple. We all know this.

But do we know how much our lies hurt others? In all reality lies can hurt more than the truth. Even if it is yourself you are lying to, it can not only hurt all those who you love and trust, but also the ones who love and trust you.

Secrets. You cannot keep them forever.

God knows all our secrets, yet we still try to hide them. In all truth isn't his opinion the one that maters the most?

To most people this is a yes. Never the less we try to hide all of them. Some days I just want to spill out all my secrets, my deepest stuff that only God knows. Yet I find it so hard. Why? Is it because I am afraid of what others think? Or is it because I just do not know about how to go about it? I think that it is a litte of both. I never really had close friends, not that it really mattered since I have Jesus, even though I lost him for a little while, and now I just seem to have an abundance of friends. I am so blessed to have all these people in my life, even though I might take them for granted... Even if I don't intend to.

Piece of advice for everyone...

Never be afraid to hug someone... You never know what a hug could say/do for/to them and yourself.
Always that everyone needs a friend... Even if they tell you to "go away" because sometimes that is when they need you most.
Jesus plays an inportant role in many peoples lives, but never forget that your relatoinship with Him is personal. Talk to him, pray, enjoy his presence.
And most of all Never be afraid to tell someone how you feel! Sometimes they feel the same way. And I am no just talking about relationships with the opposite sex; Tell your friends , family, peers how you are feeling when they frustrate you or cause you joy. You could just find some stuff out about them that you never knew. (Although I must admit I have trouble with this one)