Take a long, hard, look

Why is it that I feel that I need to be hurting to write a piece of art.

Can't my happiness inspire me just as much?

Sonnets of love and wonder have been written throughout history, 

Yet it is Tragedy that piques my muse.

Depression cannot be my only source to pull from.

If I feed the dark cloud that hovers above, 

Surely it will only grow. 

But it can also give life to the flowers under my toes.

If I can only find the perfect balance.

The choice to nurture is part of my nature, 

So I must resist the the urge to self-destruct.

When will that side of me stop fighting for control?

Maybe it isn't supposed to.

Maybe I'm supposed to let it be here,

To give me perfect harmony.

Angst and sadness can only have true meaning,

If you have learned what bliss and contentment can truly be. 

You cannot properly understand one

Without the other.

So maybe I will take these lows

And make the art that I know so well

But also take these highs

And make something new and

Positively

Magical

Not Broken.

Sometimes, when we feel love, we feel it sadly.
We feel it overwhelmingly.
And its not for negative reasons.
Sometimes its because it's we never thought we could be loved. At least not like that.
And because we love someone back so wholeheartedly.
And it's scary.
But oh so beautiful. 

"I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty
And with every touch, you fixed them."


We let people in, in ways we least expect,
And then they surprise, excite, and love us in ways we didn't expect.
When you feel that broken,
that unlovable,
The love that spawns from that,
Is unmatchable.

And it's sad.
But not in the way one would think.
No, nothing like that.
Its a type of sad that that brings a sense of joy.
As odd as that sounds.
We never think we can love as much as we do. 
 Because we felt broken.



"It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our heart
That we're not broken, just bent
And we can learn to love again."

Thoughts of a rambler.

Infinite thoughts fill me up.
I can't beat this.
I get lost in my mind.
Slipping.
Stuttering.
Falling.
What do I do?
How do I sift through all of these feelings.
How do I become who I am supposed to be.
How. How. How.
I know who I am.
I know who I want to be.
I know who I am meant to be.
I'm stuck in a body that's not mine.
But it is.
I'm changing it.
I'm making it what it is meant to be.
Healthy.
Strong.
Mine.
These infinite thoughts eat me up.
What if I can't change.
What if I can't make it work.
What if.
I'm in a rut.
I'm moving, but stuck.
Running
Climbing.
Stuck.
I'm stuck.

Words

Notes      

Melodies    

Silence.

 

    

   

Serious Post Time. -dundunDUN-

For the first time, in a long time, I can honestly say I am happy. I took the leap, in getting my life in the direction I wanted it to go. And now? Now I'm traveling, going to school in the fall, and surrounding myself in everything I want.

In less than a month, I am going to the United Kingdom, with my wonderful boyfriend. I get to spend and entire month, gallivanting all over England, Scotland, and Ireland. It feels almost surreal. If a year ago, someone would have told me, that I was going to be doing this, I wouldn't believe it. AND! To add to my travel plans for the year, I will also be going to Calgary (for CCEE), Toronto, and down to the States to visit my grandma.

I've been surrounding myself, with people who accept me for me. Who understand, when I speak. Who love me. And MY GOSH, it. feels. GOOD.

I also quit my job about a week ago, because it was just getting to ridiculous.

Then I applied for school, and will hopefully be going to school in the fall, for business.

It was terrifiying, taking that step. To quit everything I've ever known, and give in to happiness.
To life.

And it feels good.

"Hello World, Here I AM"

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

-Runaway-

Runaway.

She's a runaway.

She's got this dark side,

Full of things she wants to hide.

But instead she runs away.

She's a runaway.



But not today.
Today she stood tall.
Today, she saw her life, 
going the way she wanted.

She wasn't scared.
She wasn't alone.




For once in her life, she didn't runaway.
For once, she is truly, completely
Happy
 

Ever After (Happily Sold Seperatly)

I cannot wait to get my wings
Because maybe, just maybe
I will finally be able to fly
Fly away, and (almost) never look back

Part of me wants to just quit everything
and run away and hide
Hide away with a perfect man
Who has offered me a chance to get away

But it's not all that realistic
Things would fall to shambles
With me gone
Gone more than a few hours

I just want a happily ever after
Not this current moment
But eventually.
I think I can wait for him

But for now, I will paint on my wings
Turn my face to the sky
And just hope that someone is listening
And will save me,
From me.

Porcelain

"You thought by now you'd have it all figured out
You can't erase the way it pulls when the seasons change
It hurts sometimes to find where you begin
But you are Perfect Porcelain

The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me
It's alright if you don't know what you need
I'm right here when
You need someone to see
It's not 'speak or forever hold your peace'
It's alright to take time and find where you've been
You are Perfect Porcelain

When you heart releases
You won't fall to peices
You'll let those old diseases lie
And your heart releases
You won't fall to pieces
And your breath comes crashing in
Like Perfect Porcelain"

This is my current favourite song off of the newest Mariana's Trench CD, "Ever After*"
It speaks to my heart and soul. And I hope it speaks to others.



<3

"Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her"

I won't lie, 

I miss her.

But, right now

I'm me

That's it, that's all.

I'm who I want to be

No wild expectations

No judging.

No drama.

And right now? That's exactly what I need.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger 

Just me, myself and I  

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 

Stand a little taller  

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"