Thoughts of a rambler.

Infinite thoughts fill me up.
I can't beat this.
I get lost in my mind.
Slipping.
Stuttering.
Falling.
What do I do?
How do I sift through all of these feelings.
How do I become who I am supposed to be.
How. How. How.
I know who I am.
I know who I want to be.
I know who I am meant to be.
I'm stuck in a body that's not mine.
But it is.
I'm changing it.
I'm making it what it is meant to be.
Healthy.
Strong.
Mine.
These infinite thoughts eat me up.
What if I can't change.
What if I can't make it work.
What if.
I'm in a rut.
I'm moving, but stuck.
Running
Climbing.
Stuck.
I'm stuck.

Words

Notes      

Melodies    

Silence.

 

    

   

Serious Post Time. -dundunDUN-

For the first time, in a long time, I can honestly say I am happy. I took the leap, in getting my life in the direction I wanted it to go. And now? Now I'm traveling, going to school in the fall, and surrounding myself in everything I want.

In less than a month, I am going to the United Kingdom, with my wonderful boyfriend. I get to spend and entire month, gallivanting all over England, Scotland, and Ireland. It feels almost surreal. If a year ago, someone would have told me, that I was going to be doing this, I wouldn't believe it. AND! To add to my travel plans for the year, I will also be going to Calgary (for CCEE), Toronto, and down to the States to visit my grandma.

I've been surrounding myself, with people who accept me for me. Who understand, when I speak. Who love me. And MY GOSH, it. feels. GOOD.

I also quit my job about a week ago, because it was just getting to ridiculous.

Then I applied for school, and will hopefully be going to school in the fall, for business.

It was terrifiying, taking that step. To quit everything I've ever known, and give in to happiness.
To life.

And it feels good.

"Hello World, Here I AM"

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

-Runaway-

Runaway.

She's a runaway.

She's got this dark side,

Full of things she wants to hide.

But instead she runs away.

She's a runaway.



But not today.
Today she stood tall.
Today, she saw her life, 
going the way she wanted.

She wasn't scared.
She wasn't alone.




For once in her life, she didn't runaway.
For once, she is truly, completely
Happy
 

Ever After (Happily Sold Seperatly)

I cannot wait to get my wings
Because maybe, just maybe
I will finally be able to fly
Fly away, and (almost) never look back

Part of me wants to just quit everything
and run away and hide
Hide away with a perfect man
Who has offered me a chance to get away

But it's not all that realistic
Things would fall to shambles
With me gone
Gone more than a few hours

I just want a happily ever after
Not this current moment
But eventually.
I think I can wait for him

But for now, I will paint on my wings
Turn my face to the sky
And just hope that someone is listening
And will save me,
From me.

Porcelain

"You thought by now you'd have it all figured out
You can't erase the way it pulls when the seasons change
It hurts sometimes to find where you begin
But you are Perfect Porcelain

The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me
It's alright if you don't know what you need
I'm right here when
You need someone to see
It's not 'speak or forever hold your peace'
It's alright to take time and find where you've been
You are Perfect Porcelain

When you heart releases
You won't fall to peices
You'll let those old diseases lie
And your heart releases
You won't fall to pieces
And your breath comes crashing in
Like Perfect Porcelain"

This is my current favourite song off of the newest Mariana's Trench CD, "Ever After*"
It speaks to my heart and soul. And I hope it speaks to others.



<3