Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Your Guardian Angel-Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Your Guardian Angel
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Your Guardian Angel
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Friday, 2 November 2007

Watch the fire burn out.
Watch the curtain start to close.
Waiting on the final words,
Your heart already knows.

The hate for the end of the day
Knowing that it was all in vain
Praying for the peace
But only feeling the pain

Crazy little words
That everyone wants to hear
“I miss you”. “I love you”.
They always leave me with fear.

Those words never came easy
When they did I knew they were true
Few can make me say them
And the biggest one is you.

I have never wanted anything
More than I do today.
Time is cutting short
To say want I need to say.

Watch the fire burn out.
Watch the curtain start to close.
Waiting on the final words,
your heart already knows.

I miss you, I love you
Please, please always know.

Monday, 8 October 2007

Jimmy Robbins

Breathe Again - Jimmy Robbins

She's got this journal filled
with all her black ink guilt
and love is the only thing keeping her alive
she's got her mind made up
that all she needs is love
her heart is the only thing helping her decide
to breathe again, to breathe again

And when she's tired she doesn't sleep
a week since I've seen her eat
She's skin and bones, she's beautiful
no matter what
I wish I could help her see
she means the world to me
But the world, it doesn't mean much to her

She's got this journal filled
with all her black ink guilt
and love is the only thing keeping her alive
she's got her mind made up
that all she needs is love
her heart is the only thing helping her decide
to breathe again, to breathe again

I'll be there to split your lips like when the ice berg hits
and the ship has to break apart
show its teeth and smile

she's got this journal filled
with all her black ink guilt
and love is the only thing keeping her alive
she's got her mind made up
that all she needs is love
and she'll breathe again
and she'll breathe again
and she'll breathe agains
he'll breathe again, again

Saturday, 6 October 2007


Troubled by their separate pasts,
Scared by their futures together,
Two lovers, neither star crossed, or forbidden
Fall in line, hand in hand

Neither tainted nor broken
Like they both seem to believe
Accident’s happen
But not for all the wrong reasons
It’s all for the better in the end

A simple line that changes it all
“Their Fate”, they say together
Believing and a kiss
It seals the deal
They are both happy in their right now forever

If not for their pasts
They would not have a future
Who they were yesterday,
A little different than whom they are today
They will never be the same again

So here’s to their Fate or Destiny
Coincidence or their own making
Just Hope, or keep on believing
Everything will be a fairytale ending

Make a Wish…
Do You Believe in Fate?

Sunday, 9 September 2007

What Daddy Doesn't Know

What daddy doesn't know is
how much mommy is alone.
What daddy doesn't know is
how much I have grown.
What daddy doesn't know is
my belief in the Lord.
What daddy doesn't know is
how some days I wish I was never born.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I learned to live, love and laugh.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I have trouble with my past.
What daddy doesn't know is
how much I want to see him.
What daddy doesn't know is
how much I like to win.
What daddy doesn't know is
how another will probably walk me down the aisle.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I'm probably not worth any one's while.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I think about him everyday.
What daddy doesn't know is
that my heart hurts in every way.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I cry myself to sleep some nights.
What daddy doesn't know is
how much I hate it when people fight.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I miss the way it was.
What daddy doesn't know is
that I wish I had the wings of a dove.
What daddy doesn't know is
the peace I sometimes feel in my heart.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I hate how far my friends and I are apart.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I'm alone all the time.
What daddy doesn't know is
how nothing is really mine.
What daddy doesn't know is
how I've been abused physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
What daddy doesn't know is
that most of the abuse hasn't been family.
What daddy doesn't know is
there are some people who are my world.
And most of all
What daddy doesn't know is
daddy's little girl.

Monday, 6 August 2007

A Beautiful Song

This is a song that Tasha wrote for me. It’s beautiful.
’Nuff said. Here it is.

:: in song with bad guitar accompaniment ::

Oh Sarah, you came and you joined our YG,
I remember calling you butterfly bum girl for the first
three weeks!
Your hair was always different so I couldn’t remember your

Oh, the Idema's bring friends all the time, and most never stay.
I remember being impressed that you kept coming.
So I decided to learn your name.

Oh Sarah,

Now, I know you!!
And I like you!
And I looooooooove youuuuuu!

Oh, Sarah!

I hear you’ve moved away, but I moved first.
So sad as I’m sure you are, I can’t tell the difference
Between Edmonton and Fort Mac at this long distance!
So sister, take heart!
We are never truly apaaaaaart!!


:: lame guitar ending ::

-Natasha Mills, at 10:58pm on August 3rd, 2007

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Gone away

I was told that I needed to update this sucker, but at the time I was to angry to type anything, so here I go now....

Things here are... okay. I would love to able to tell you that they were "peachy-keen", But they're not. I am slowly driving myself crazy out here with no one to talk to, and no where to go.

I cannot spend my days in the library or in a mall or in a music store. Not even in a friken coffee shop. Why? because its about 1 half-hour- forty-five minute drive to TOWN. I live in a Hamlet. That's what Anzac is classified as.

It seems that no one out there in E-town or where ever is, emailing me or talking to me, with the exception of Beth *sometimes* and it's hard. I cannot seem to get it right, so I just try harder, and you know what? I crash and burn.

About a week and a half ago(on a Saturday) I passed out in my bathroom on the floor. Why?
Because I was outside the day before for over two hours in the heat and got an sunburn and heat stroke. Then that Saturday I went for a half hour run at 6:30 am and got home and went for a shower. I failed to remember the fact that I should have eaten or drank after. I step out of the show feeling really nauseous and dizzy so I sat down, fighting the urge to throw up or pass out. Well I ended up passing out on the floor for a few minutes before I got up and went and passed out on my bed in the living room.

I'm probably reverting back to where I was about 5-6 months ago, and it sucks.
I'm left alone most of the time, which is fine with me. Most of you know that I am a touch person and I am almost always near a person, well I can't stand being touched right now. The only time I hug someone is the customary hug for thank yous.

I miss everyone. and no one seems to get it. No one seems to get the fact that I am dying out here. I guess I got what I wanted... not to have a heart so that I couldn't feel anything. Well it's mostly working like that. The only thing I feel is pain. not the physical kind either. The kind that come from inside when you miss someone, the kind that makes you feel like you heart is being ripped out.
Yeah fun isn't?

It kinda sucks too when you find out that you best friend is recording an EP around the same time everyone finds out. I am actually really glad for you and your sister. I hope it goes good. But thanks for telling me.

I don't know what else to say or do so.....

Someone please save me from myself...... please talk to me.

"Lock the windows, and bolt the door, cause I've got enough problems without creating more. I feel like I was born, for devastation and reform"

Tuesday, 26 June 2007


Take this heart of mine,
Place it on a pedestal
I don't need it anymore.

I'd rather be heartless then love you,
To be part of you and all you represent,
Polar to what I need,
Polar to what I believe.

God, I need you
Shelter me from what they've become
I cannot stand it anymore
Days go by and I find myself faltering.
Father, I need you

They tell me I'm not good enough
And that everything I believe is wrong
I know they are wrong about you, Jesus,
But what about me,
Will I ever be enough?

God, I need you,
Even more than before
Shelter me from what they want me to be
I want to stand strong
Always and forever in your arms
Father I need you

Make my heart pure
Strong enough to make it through
Until then take my heart away
I cannot stand the pain.

Friday, 22 June 2007

Love God, Always and Forever

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We're crying for them come back home
All your children stretch out their hands
and pick up the crippled man
Father we will lead them home
Sinners reach out your hands
Children in Christ you stand.

We who were called to be your people,
Struggling sinners and thieves
were lifted from the ashes
and out came the song of the redeemed.

Your mercy brings me to my knees.
Oh, the beauty of your majesty.
On the cross you showed your love for me.

In your presence God, i'm completely satisfied.
For you I sing, I dance. I rejoice in this divine romance.
Lift my heart and my hands to show my love, to show my love.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
-- Proverbs 31:30

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 - Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.

Romans 12:2 - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Psalm 139:13-14 - For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
16 - your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Isaiah 40:29 - He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Childhood Silence

Where did it go?
Only to be replaced with tension
Your wordy knife, My speechless back
Is this what you intended all along?

I never meant to shut you out,
Or turn my back,
But maybe that's what you did first,
And now it's broken.

I would almost prefer a loud and obnoxious fight,
To the one that is brewing and waging inside of both of us.
Silent and and deadly,
Causing unwanted anger and hatred.

Let's go back to the days of old
When you would walk up to someone and be best friends,
When sacrifice ment sharing you're favorite crayon or toy.
When the biggest fear was crossing the street alone.

Take my hand, and cross this road.
I'll never leave you.
I swear.

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Rockst*r, Mon$ter, Full Thrott!e

So I am in a very good mood right now, despite my breakdown earlier at school. No, I'm not on drugs, no I'm not drunk, I just have had an amazing realization. I am too young to be worried or depressed, and should just focus on what I have, right now, and what is important to me. I am slowly figuring it out, it's not easy, but I am doing it.

Not to say that there won't be moments where I will doubt myself, or be worried or depressed, because there will be, but that's life. And I know that I have so many people cheering me on, and will be there for me and pick me up when I fall. And I won't be as alone as I thought. Because I have God, and my friends. Like Fish, and McFly, and Biff. They will be there for me every step of the way.

I may not be completely sane, sometimes, And I may be too quiet at others, but that's me. That's who I am right now.

And I'm not okay. There is a lot going on. I'm not okay today, and I cannot guarantee that I will be okay tomorrow, but I will be okay in the future, and that I know.

And I will keep on fighting for my sanity and being myself.

This is my life.

Monday, 18 June 2007

Mistakes, and Things You Can't Take Back.

So, today I went to the last Focus that I will be going to for a while. Then again it was the last one until September. But yeah.

I made a mistake tonight. Well right now I think it was a mistake. But anyways..

I gave this guy a note, telling him that I liked him. No big deal right? No harm done.

Wrong. Why?

Because he is my closest guy friend. And I probably just screwed everything up between us.
And I wish I could take it all back.

But there you have it folks! Another brilliant mistake by me.

But I have to apologize to him so here it is.

I'm sorry that I sprang that on you the way I did. I know that you like someone else who is way better, and I don't know why I did it.
I know I was a coward to do it the way I did, and maybe I should have just left it alone. But I just don't know. Maybe we could try to go back to normal, even though I messed up?
Nothing has changed, it's still the same as before... You just have a little insight now. I still think of you as a really good friend, and I hope that we can still play a part in eachother's life.

Anyways. I am just trying to figure this all out, and stop shaking.

Good night. Good Bye

Saturday, 9 June 2007

Opposite Reactions

Am I wrong in this
So many voices shouting yes
But one voice says no.
Which to believe

To take your hand
Or walk away without saying
Saying what they say I should
leaves me in a precarious situation

I like you, I do
But what if you feel as I do
Do we go on different
Or do we just stay the same?

But wait, what if you don't
As so many believe
What know?
I just made a fool of myself, didn't I?

Maybe I should just shut up, and leave.

Sunday, 3 June 2007

Always Know [Before I Go]

They tell me to admit it,
To admit which I try to deny,
They say that I am transparent,
But they cannot see inside.

If I was head over heals
I would be flat on my face
But as far as I can tell
I'm still standing in this place

Take your accusations
And bury them in the ground
They will never make it past it all
I will never make a sound.

I hate the fact that it has to be this way
And the fact that it is making me rhyme
But the way he makes me feel,
It's different this time.

So back off, and don't tell me how I feel
I feel stronger than you know,
Chances are I'm not letting on the truth
Of how I want to tell him before I go.

Maybe I do [not] love him, I honestly don't know.

Saturday, 2 June 2007


She has beauty wrapped around her, but she doesn't know it
she's not told this
There are scars that will remind her of the ones that she knows
It's become old
She walks streets alone, screaming to the world we are with hope
But we don't know
We won't know
It's a shame
Who's going to take the first step to someone?
Who's going to be the one to live in love?
We'll walk right beside you on streets that care
More for words than we do
We're your life
There's a wandering heart through these city stars
But the light won't shine on those passing
Every one's around and their words have sound
But the people don't
Together we are
Walking streets alone
screaming to the world we are with hope
But it won't know
We won't know
It's a shame
It's true
She is so beautiful
There's no more giving of the heart

I was thinking about this poem I found, as well as a song by Amanda Falk, and how girls put so much emphasis on their beauty, and the ones who are truly beautiful never know it.

I love that fact that not all guys are attracted to girls for their "beauty".
some guys like maturity, personality and so on.

Friday, 25 May 2007

Rush of Fools

Rush Of Fools - Undo

I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
What I've become

I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
What I've become

Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
What I've become

I was listening to this on my friends iPod When it donned on me.
I really needed to get back on track with God.
I mean lately I had been all over the place
with my faith and just myself
And I just really needed to get back.
So next time that I go a stray, please someone let me know,
if you notice...

Thursday, 24 May 2007

Prefection [not] in Frailty

Still, I remember exactly
how your hand fit into mine.
Your kiss still lingers on my lips.
Tell me when I'll get over this.

is it wrong to assume that you missed me?
because the look in your eyes says that you're dying
to kiss me the touch of your lips is tasteful and
forgiving a part of the past that I don't mind reliving.

It`s hard to wait around for
something that will never happen,
but it`s even harder to stop
when it`s everything you want..♥

I've learned that guys can make the greatest friends.
One of my best friends is a guy, and I can tell him anything.
Except for the fact that I'm absolutely crazy for him.
I usually leave that part out of our conversations.

Don't change anything about yourself for a guy ;
because that one thing that you changed ;
may have been the one thing he loved about you.

shut the heck are worth it.
you're worth every guy in that friken school.
but you don`t see that.
here trying to tell you that you are,
but you won't listen.

so it's not just the phone calls or kodakit's
not just the laughs or smiles ;
it's having each other's back and being a shoulder to cry on;
it's simply loving each other until the day's end.
&& that's what makes us
[ b e s t f r i e n d s] ♥

You know someone is a true friend when,
you are about to break down && cry,
but they will say the stupidest,
most random thing just to see you smile.

Those who cry are stronger than those who hold it inside.

because you're beautiful & you don't know it
because you're smart & you don't believe it.
you're the kind of girl that guys don't get over.
& you're the kind of the kind of other girls get compared to.

Sometimes you have to be like Kelly Clarkson.
You’ve got to breakaway from the past,
say you’re so moving on since he's been gone,
let people know what’s behind your hazel eyes,
realize you got far in your life all because of you and the people you love,
let that person who’s pissing you off know that you’re already gone,
love being addicted to the one you love,
make sure you know where YOUR heart is,
walk away from your problems,
stop hating yourself for losing him,
make sure people can hear you and you can hear them,
and know that life can be such a beautiful disaster.

Best friends aren’t real best friends until they love you for who you are,
not what they want you to be.
They are always there for you no matter what.
Even if you’re fighting and they hate your guts, if you need them, they will be there, no questions asked.
They can always make you laugh even when you are feeling your worst.
They understand you and you don’t even have to tell them.
They are the only ones who know what “I’m okay” really means, when you’re not.
couldn’t care less about what other people think of you and when you disappoint them,
they will let you know about it.
They are the only people on earth who could completely destroy you,
but would never dream of it.
They are the ones you spend all your time with.
You laugh with them.
You cry with them.
But most of all, best friends are the people you need in your life,
beside you at all times.
They are the people you would be lost without.

I`m the kind of girl who can talk to a
total stranger about anything & everything,
but I can`t tell my best friend how much I`m hurting.
I can let people know that I`m young & not worry about it,
but I can`t tell them how much I miss being younger.
I hate not being invited to parties only cause I feel so alone,
& I can`t understand how I don`t have many friends.
I`m the kind of girl that can be easy to fall for & the kind of girl who falls easily.
I`m the kind of girl who can pick herself up,
& I can switch my feelings in a minute.
There`s only one thing that I know I can`t do;
& that`s believe that I ever thought I`d end up with you.

Sometimes when you look back on a situation,
you realize it wasn't all you thought it was.
Someone walked into your life, you fell in love.
Or did you?Maybe it was only a childish infatuation
.Or maybe it was a brief moment of insanity.

You only find a few people in this world.
A few people who tell you they love you
&& a few who mean it with all their heart

she's beautiful, but she'll never admit it.
music makes her world go round, literally.
friends are her everything.
she's afraid of being alone.
when she smiles her whole face lights up.
& her heart has been broken by a guy who doesn't like her anymore a
you know what?
she`s still brave.

She’s got eyes of innocence a face of angels
a personality of a dreamer and
a smile that hides more pain than you can imagine

Tell me something real this time, and maybe I’ll believe you.

just remember ;;no matter who brings you down,
I'll bring you back up because that's just what friends do.

Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart.
If we could just remember this,
I think there would be a lot more compassion
and tolerance in the world.

Shes a daydreamer.
Everyone can see that.
But what they don't see, is her dreams.

There are two kinds of secrets:
Those we keep from others & those we keep from ourselves.

Wednesday, 23 May 2007

Photographs of Teen Spirt

Take this photograph
We'll cut it into four.
Three and one,
Four and two.

Maybe this will be the start,
Of the rest of our lives, together
Maybe we can make this work,
I hope that for both our sanities we can

They come between us sometimes
With their trivial problems
But thanks to you,
I am still fighting on

Take my heart and open it up,
See me for who I am,
Scared, awkward and alone
Then lock me back up
Tell no-one what you've seen

Can you see me now?
Can you see who I am?
Tell me who you think I am
And how I truely feel inside

Stop the pain,
Kill the pride,
Spread the love,
Try not to hide yourself.

Can you see us now, as we stand together?

Saturday, 12 May 2007

The Whole Darn Thing. && Everything That Comes With It

This post is pretty much what i am thinking about lately.

Throwing away boys, and keeping the men would, yes, be awesome.
But, what makes a man a man, and a boy a boy?
I mean, how can we discern between the both? What happens if we throw away a man and keep a boy? Or Vice-Versa?
Chaos, that's what. Chaos, and hurt, and resentment.
What makes a man a man? Is it what he has or does not have? Is it age, Lack of purity, or even trials? Honestly I wish I knew, because then I could tell you whether or not it was worth it all.

Where do we draw the line between truth and lies, safety and danger, even betrayal? What about sin? When will we know we've crossed them? Will it be after its all over, when the guilt sets in or will we ever be able to tell?
I believe that we all have the ability to find the lines and test the boundaries, but sometimes people fall in. I don't want to be one of them. I don't want to betray anyone. and I really don't want to sin. Even though its inevitable. The sinning I mean. I wish the lines were drawn in fluorescent colours so that we could see them better. Then, maybe, just maybe, Things might be easier. But I doubt that.

I had a really good talk with one of my friends this morning/last night and I have to say that I'm glad that him and I got to talk. Sometimes, when I'm with him, I feel like I can say anything and not be judged and somehow, he will know exactly how I am feeling or know what I am going through. And that I have to say is amazing, and I am glad that God brought him into my life. I hope that in the future that we get to know each other better. And just get to talk or discuss, anything and everything.

I am really praying hard for my friend Fish's friends, as they are really hurt and ill right now, and she really needs help with this. She shouldn't have to go through this alone. So I just know that with enough people praying and thinking about them that there will be a miracle. So I'm just praying constantly, for them and her. Shawn, Tyler, Anna, Justin, and Kaitlin. It's hard.

I am also praying to continue to repair the relationship between me and one of my closest friends. I hate when her and I cannot talk. But we are slowly getting there. Once again I thank God that she is in my life. And I know that she is destined for great things and that she will touch a great deal of lives, like she did mine.

As I said, this post is just everything that is on my mind right now.... Well not everything. But yeah... This is The Whole Darn Thing && Everything That Comes With It.

Thursday, 10 May 2007

Zombies, Cranberries, and Concerts.

"Zombie" -- The Cranberries

***This is a song I might be singing with aarika at our concert on the 31st of May....You should come.***

Another head hangs lowly,
Child is slowly taken.
And the violence caused such silence,
Who are we mistaken?

But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying...

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou...

Another mother's breakin',
Heart is taking over.
When the vi'lence causes silence,
We must be mistaken.

It's the same old theme since nineteen-sixteen.
In your head, in your head they're still fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are dying...

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, oh, ya, ya-a...

Monday, 30 April 2007

&& He talked to me.

He talked to me. Sure I talked to him first but he didn't ignore me this time. It was... wow.

I realized that I do miss him, even though I no longer feel the same way I once did about him and that I do not hate him as much as I say I do.

It was weird. Although I still like this other guy more, I cannot help but think about him. Why? Because it really affected me.

And yeah... wow.

Sunday, 29 April 2007


Stop it all.
Stop my pain, and all my thoughts.
Stop my heart.

Can you feel it?
The air, my lungs, your heart.
I want to make this moment last.
Last forever.

For my friends-
These are things I can never say to you guys.
Why? Because it would kill me to do so mostly
because I am too scared to or I don't want to hurt you.
*If you think one is you e-mail me
and I will tell you if you are right or wrong*
*Some people may be done twice or more*

I want to talk to you so bad. Just pour out my mind and heart. Talk about things that are real.
And you not walking away from me all time would help.

What is happening between us? We used to talk so much. And as I look at you I cannot help but to wonder how deep our friendship really was.

It's amazing how similar our lives are. What we both have gone through is even more amazing. You may be a little older but that doesn't matter in the end. We will always be together (I hope).

You are so beautiful. Never forget that. And he may be the one for you, so never give up hope. He will be here sometime. Never give up on anything. You are truly amazing.

I know you really liked him and dare I say loved, but he obviously wasn't the one for you. And please Hun don't go into another physical based relationship, because you will just get hurt. I'm sorry to say, but it is true.

You will find love. And she will make you happier than anyone ever could. So cheer up, and realize that it is not all over, and that no one else may be able to see through your mask but the thing is, it is becoming slightly translucent to me.

I love that fact that you and I have been getting closer lately. You have been there for me when I feel like everyone has walked away from me. I hope that we grow closer, and that we can continue to be able to talk about everything. And deep down you know you do like him more than you will admit to. And I hope that someday you get him, or find a guy like him, because you deserve it.

I love you so much. and I know that I can be a pain, but you need to trust me. Because I need you. And I would die for you. I hope he makes you happy too, even though I cannot remember what he looks like, or even if it is the right guy. But you too will be able to say *I love you* to someone one day. I have faith in you.

Take pride in the fact that you are different. God made you that way. And Chances are that is why I am friends with you. Because you broke the mold and found me of all people. Y'all are the thing that makes me strong when I am week, you are my REMEDY.

I miss you so much and I cannot wait until next summer. I hope I can see you then. We will go and get attractive swollen feet together.

I want to get to know you better. But we never seem to have time to get together. So maybe we should spend a day or something together and just hang. You and me. lol. Lets jsut you be you and me be me, and it will be all okay.

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

Failed Attempts of Truth

Sing me something that you mean
From your heart and straight to me
Every word will be in key, except for one
Those seven letters I hate most


What ever happened to the truth? What happened to talking about things that are real? I miss that. I wish I knew what happened. I miss us. Is there an US? Can't we be where we are and still be real?
Failed attempts to talk to you, is I have to remember. And I don't want to say goodbye.

Hey you, yeah you
Playing with my hope for truth
You always know just what to say
to make me lose my confidence
it's here and then it's gone again
maybe it's better off this way
with pathetic me, just pathetically
singing myself sick

Whenever I am near you I stutter and stumble and do not know what to say. You make me act crazy. So I just sing myself to sleep. And think back on what was said. What was done.
Please stop walking away from me... I'm sure one of these times we'll get it right. And maybe, just maybe, I will stop thinking you are going to let me down, and be able to be more true than ever to you.

Saturday, 14 April 2007

Stuck in the Storm-Too Sorry for Apologies

Stuck in the Storm- Too Sorry For Apologies
Verse 1
I'll be leaving soon, but I believe in you
I'll find a way
to make it feel alright, the long days and longer nights
this can be OK
Just promise me it's everything, just promise me
Just promise me it's everything, I'll do the same
Cause when the days are getting colder I miss you most
I'm stuck out in a rainstorm, but you're my coat
to keep me safe, to keep me warm
cause without you I'm just stuck in the storm
just breathe out a little bit, I'll be there soon
I'm there for you too
Just fly a flag a little bit, we'll be okay
Cause when the days are getting colder I miss you most
I'm stuck out in a rainstorm, but you're my coat
to keep me safe, to keep me warm
cause without you I'm just stuck in the storm
and the days are getting colder, I miss you more
then I ever did or ever could before
just open up

Wednesday, 11 April 2007

A Tale of a Beautiful Heart

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town, proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, and old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."
The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right, and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing. The people stared. "How can he say his heart is more beautiful?", they thought.

The young man looked at the old man's heart, saw its state, and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine: mine is perfect, and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking, but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of their heart to me. These are the empty gouges. Giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore, but more beautiful then ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

Tuesday, 10 April 2007

Two is a magical number.

Two hearts beating as one.

I want to lay my head on your chest and just hear your heart beating.

Two minds thinking as one.

I want to hear your thoughts and know where you stand on issues.

Two hands joined together

I want to hold your hand when I'm scared[and when your scared], and know everything will be alright.

Two lives joined as one.

I want to be with you forever.

To bad I cannot have what I want or be with you...

Monday, 9 April 2007

Push You. Pull Me.

Pushed away.
That's where all her friends end up,
Where does she stand?
Alone in a corner

She tries hard to bring them closer,
Only to end up pushing them away
Divulging secrets on how she feels
Only to get shoved further

Talk to her,
You'll see she's not so bad,
Her feelings a little mixed up,
With scenarios playing through her head
She's never had it all planned out
And now it all changes
Just give her time to realize your worth and take the time to realize hers.

Sunday, 8 April 2007


Lets get this straight,
I made a
And now you cannot stand to talk to me.

But can't you see?
That I am only human
And that this is how it is?

If I did something wrong
or hurt you in anyway,
or even made you uncomfortable
tell me and I will stop.

Talk to me,
Show that I truely am alive
And I will belive what you say

Cant we just forget this even happend and make up and be friends?


Like superman in his fortress of solitude
I am all alone
Nothing can reach me out here
Not even Kryptonite
Did you know that you are my kryptonite?
You make me weak, you make me strong
You make me rebel against every instinct in my body.
You make me show everything I usually Hide.
I wish I was superman, Just so that I could run from you.


Every time I look into your eyes
I see something new,
And yet something familiar and inviting

Our eyes locked once again,
My eyes, questioning
Yours almost begging.
Begging mine to understand
And figure out
What they are really saying.

But I can't.
Because I don't understand.
The language your eyes are speaking is new,
And I cannot decipher it.

Won't you teach me something new? Won't you teach me the language of your eyes, Won't you please teach me the language of love?

Saturday, 7 April 2007

Sweet Beans, Cool Action

Friends 'til the end
That's what was promised
But what if it all changes, my friend.
What if one goes away?

Plans get changed,
Promises broken,
But one thing remains true
I'll always be here[there] for you.

Secrets, laughter,
Pain and smiles
"I'd swim oceans for you"
This is all true, back at you.

So tell me the truth,
because from you I can take it,
This is for real,
Even if it ends bittersweet.

So take this with you where ever you go,
I hope our lives intertwine,
For you I'd run a thousand miles
Be with you until I die.

Sweet Beans and Cool Action, My Sister, My Friend

Thursday, 29 March 2007



Never say I love you,
If you don't really care.
Never talk about feelings,
If they aren't really there.

Never hold my hand,
If you are going to break my heart.
Never say your going to,
If you don't plan to start.

Never look into my eyes,
If all you do is lie.
Never say "Hello",
If you really mean "Goodbye".

If you really mean forever,
Then say you'll try.
Never say forever,
Because forever makes me cry.

*This is a poem I received from this guy that I knew and liked. It has played a big part in my life in the last year and a half, two years.
If i could go back and change anything that happened between us, it would be telling him that I liked him, and finding out the truth on why he sent it to me sooner than later, instead of thinking up crazy reasons on why it was sent. I *Almost* wish that nothing has changed between us, but in the end I guess it was for the best.

~][I'll never forget you and what you taught me.][~

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

Fly Away

Running across a meadow,
She stumbles.
Praying to God to mend her,
Give her enough strength to fly.

Shattered wings,
She falls to the ground,
Shes no angel,
And everyone knows.

A simple mistake,
A large flaw,
They see it all,
And all she can do is apologise.

She has fallen,
So far from grace,
But all they do is watch,
And criticize her every move.

It hurts her,
Every time she falls,
Every blow she takes,
They will never know.

She prays for mended wings,
And sometimes a mended heart,
Its all she has left.

With shattered wings,
She attepmts to fly,
Only to fall once again,
And get back up.

Maybe this time she will fly,
Only for you she will,
Running across a meadow,
She never gives up.

Maybe this time she's gonna fly solo.

Thursday, 15 March 2007

Random.. oh my

Okay... So. (Who doesn't own a cell phone)
This week has been SO intense it is not funny. But I guess I will all turn out okay in the end.

This is my schedule for the next few days...
Friday- Christan club,(Fill in more empty time), Youth group
Saturday- No clue... yet.
Sunday- Bethal( church), (Fill in inbetween time),Focus

Okay so its not as intense as it looks.
But it feels so intense.

But I have to say...
Katie is a pretty amazing friend to have. I am blessed to have her in my life.

Yes... I will write more later.

Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Stars no longer shine

She's so numb
To eveyone, and eveything around her
Constenly playing her guitar
With that unknown melody
She tries to forget everyone, everything
But no matter what,
It always stays with her
They never know
Shes come undone
Worried about everyone
About the tomorrow that may never come,
To her and her family
About the loneliness her friends feel
About the lonelieness she feels
To sleep forever would be perpetual bliss
But it will never come
For that is her only wish
To be close to God
forever in his arms
Silence surrounds in a way that cannot be described
Comforted by presence she feels
Jesus come to take her home
He knows she come undone
And only He knows how to make her whole
Sweet surrender
Make her whole
Shes come undone
All for you
The loneliness comes to fast
And embraces her, suffocates her
But keeps her sane
Victory just out of reach
For the last time
Shes come undone