Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Gone away

I was told that I needed to update this sucker, but at the time I was to angry to type anything, so here I go now....

Things here are... okay. I would love to able to tell you that they were "peachy-keen", But they're not. I am slowly driving myself crazy out here with no one to talk to, and no where to go.

I cannot spend my days in the library or in a mall or in a music store. Not even in a friken coffee shop. Why? because its about 1 half-hour- forty-five minute drive to TOWN. I live in a Hamlet. That's what Anzac is classified as.

It seems that no one out there in E-town or where ever is, emailing me or talking to me, with the exception of Beth *sometimes* and it's hard. I cannot seem to get it right, so I just try harder, and you know what? I crash and burn.

About a week and a half ago(on a Saturday) I passed out in my bathroom on the floor. Why?
Because I was outside the day before for over two hours in the heat and got an sunburn and heat stroke. Then that Saturday I went for a half hour run at 6:30 am and got home and went for a shower. I failed to remember the fact that I should have eaten or drank after. I step out of the show feeling really nauseous and dizzy so I sat down, fighting the urge to throw up or pass out. Well I ended up passing out on the floor for a few minutes before I got up and went and passed out on my bed in the living room.

I'm probably reverting back to where I was about 5-6 months ago, and it sucks.
I'm left alone most of the time, which is fine with me. Most of you know that I am a touch person and I am almost always near a person, well I can't stand being touched right now. The only time I hug someone is the customary hug for thank yous.

I miss everyone. and no one seems to get it. No one seems to get the fact that I am dying out here. I guess I got what I wanted... not to have a heart so that I couldn't feel anything. Well it's mostly working like that. The only thing I feel is pain. not the physical kind either. The kind that come from inside when you miss someone, the kind that makes you feel like you heart is being ripped out.
Yeah fun isn't?

It kinda sucks too when you find out that you best friend is recording an EP around the same time everyone finds out. I am actually really glad for you and your sister. I hope it goes good. But thanks for telling me.

I don't know what else to say or do so.....

Someone please save me from myself...... please talk to me.

"Lock the windows, and bolt the door, cause I've got enough problems without creating more. I feel like I was born, for devastation and reform"