I was told that I needed to update this sucker, but at the time I was to angry to type anything, so here I go now....
Things here are... okay. I would love to able to tell you that they were "peachy-keen", But they're not. I am slowly driving myself crazy out here with no one to talk to, and no where to go.
I cannot spend my days in the library or in a mall or in a music store. Not even in a friken coffee shop. Why? because its about 1 half-hour- forty-five minute drive to TOWN. I live in a Hamlet. That's what Anzac is classified as.
It seems that no one out there in E-town or where ever is, emailing me or talking to me, with the exception of Beth *sometimes* and it's hard. I cannot seem to get it right, so I just try harder, and you know what? I crash and burn.
About a week and a half ago(on a Saturday) I passed out in my bathroom on the floor. Why?
Because I was outside the day before for over two hours in the heat and got an sunburn and heat stroke. Then that Saturday I went for a half hour run at 6:30 am and got home and went for a shower. I failed to remember the fact that I should have eaten or drank after. I step out of the show feeling really nauseous and dizzy so I sat down, fighting the urge to throw up or pass out. Well I ended up passing out on the floor for a few minutes before I got up and went and passed out on my bed in the living room.
I'm probably reverting back to where I was about 5-6 months ago, and it sucks.
I'm left alone most of the time, which is fine with me. Most of you know that I am a touch person and I am almost always near a person, well I can't stand being touched right now. The only time I hug someone is the customary hug for thank yous.
I miss everyone. and no one seems to get it. No one seems to get the fact that I am dying out here. I guess I got what I wanted... not to have a heart so that I couldn't feel anything. Well it's mostly working like that. The only thing I feel is pain. not the physical kind either. The kind that come from inside when you miss someone, the kind that makes you feel like you heart is being ripped out.
Yeah fun isn't?
It kinda sucks too when you find out that you best friend is recording an EP around the same time everyone finds out. I am actually really glad for you and your sister. I hope it goes good. But thanks for telling me.
I don't know what else to say or do so.....
Someone please save me from myself...... please talk to me.
"Lock the windows, and bolt the door, cause I've got enough problems without creating more. I feel like I was born, for devastation and reform"
5 comments:
no. it is not about brownie.....it's about tall skinny older man.. from last year.. -sigh-
yush.... DANG IT!
Looks like we have no time this summer anyways.
It's not like we were going to leave you out, geez. It was originally just going to be me laying down some acoustic tracks so we could go back over them later. Plus everything is done separately. So its a rough mix then drums then bass then guitar and then vocals then background vocals and anything else.
YUP.
I love you and miss you. Why don't you e-mail me more about everything? It's not like I was doing anything. I was bored out of my mind.
i'm sorry i haven't been e-mailing you hun! i really am! did you get my letter back to you? you made my day with that. :) but i'm sorry. i'll try harder to e-mail you, and talk to you sweetie.
i got your e-mail about your baptism. that's awesome! i'm so happy for you! i pray that you'll continue to live your life for God. i hope things are going, okay for you, and that they get better. i can't wait to see you when you
come out.. i must tell you about this sean fellow.. :) haha yes, that's right.. there's another one.. yay me..
but according to this book i'm reading, (it's called "dateable" and it's really good...) i should have about 90 crushes before i get married.. and i have 9 years to fill that! AH! lol so yea... but i'll e-mail you more. i'm sorry sweetie.. i miss you, and hope to hear from you soon hun!!
lots of luvs and hugs
fishi
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